Zebra 2×22: : My leap of faith from Corporate Life to African WildLife

November 2023

Today is the first day of the rest of my life…

I’ve been wanting to start this blog with this sentence for quite some time now. This will be the story of my life going forward.

A Little About Me and My Approach

My name is Caroline, and I’m about to turn 44. In September, I decided to make a major life shift.

I live in Spain, in the beautiful seaside town of Sitges. It was a dream come true in 2023.

I come from an engineering background and currently work for a software company in the asset management area. I deal with clients, teams, solve issues, and navigate constant changes.

I earn a decent salary.

I have no partner and no children. 

One could say I have all the ingredients for happiness. 

So why change? 

Why not just appreciate what I have and benefit from all the hard work I’ve invested?

But…

I have a feeling I’m truly missing something. My energy is literally drowning as I sit in front of a computer for 8 to 10, even 12 hours a day. It’s all sitting and talking to screens, to the faces I’ve come to know and love: colleagues and clients.

Most of my day is spent dealing with and solving problems. I miss investing in myself. Working has always been more important – doing it right, doing it fast, doing it to the best of my ability, always! Working for the financial industry, making sure my company and their clients earn more and more.

I couldn’t stand it any longer. I need to do something else, something that would fulfill me, that would make more sense.

So, I decided to resign from my company. I have some savings, and I’ll be free for quite some time, depending on how wisely I use them.

The official start of my new life is February 18th, at the latest. 

Making this decision wasn’t an easy journey. I hesitated between an 18-month sabbatical and even getting fired. But what’s the point? I wanted to be free, and I don’t intend to come back. The intention is to find a new career path for the years to come, one that doesn’t involve sitting in front of a computer.

Getting Here Wasn’t Easy

I changed my mind quite a few times. It was clear I wanted to quit and do something completely different, but what and how? A friend reminded me that “until a decision is made, it remains a dream without action, a pure hallucination”.

I have no concrete plan except for the willingness to change and find my next activity, something closer to my inner needs.

When was the right time? How many months’ notice should I give my employer?

At some point, I was just fed up and wanted to close out those remaining 15 days allowed by my Spanish contract. I just wanted to forget about the problems I was dealing with and clear my mind, focusing on what’s right for me, right now!

I wasn’t prepared at all, and I still am not.

The fear of not earning enough money is definitely there. What if? I play out all the catastrophic scenarios my mind can think of: ending up homeless, dependent on others after working all my life to be independent. Can I meet my needs? Can I change my life so drastically that it requires a complete change in my way of life? What about the crazy world around us?

This is just a brief summary, but those months leading up to the decision were a nightmare in my head and my emotions. Not knowing what was right, if it was the good decision, or if I was making the biggest mistake of my life. Taking risks with the expectation that things will get better soon, without knowing for sure.

I needed to break free from the dependence on my employer, working on something that didn’t fit me for the sake of a salary. Was I a prostitute? Are they buying me? I know it’s a strong word and not comparable, but that’s how I felt.

I had to do it.

Break free from the dependence.

Be free.

Make my own choices without fear of the future and connect with the beauty that life brings. Because life supports us when we’re on the right path and aligned with our inner self.

So, here I am, taking a leap of faith. 

Believing in bright outcomes and in my future self.

What made up my mind once and for all? It was that simple yet powerful exercise my psychologist proposed. It involved filling in a table with two columns.

Column 1: Describe what happens if I quit my job?

Column 2: Describe what happens if I stay in my job?

What are the outcomes of the two situations? Is there a preferable one?

The result was striking. It became clear, as if in daylight, that I couldn’t stay any longer. I had to at least try, to live with no regrets. This was the help I needed, as I said.

The In-Between

I’ve resigned. My team, colleagues, and clients are informed. I have four months to wrap things up here, and I’ve identified the perfect candidate to replace me. I’m making sure my company has everything it needs for a smooth transition.

On the surface, it’s business as usual. But underneath, there’s this weird sense of denial. Like I can somehow forget my decision and just keep working as if nothing’s changed.

Sometimes, a rebellious thought pops into my head: “Just a few more months, and this won’t be your problem anymore. Relax!” But then the flip side hits: exhaustion, a lack of focus, and a mind racing with every possible fear. “What if I made a mistake? Will I be utterly bored on day one of my new life?”

Despite the self-doubt, I’ve been showered with incredible support. 

Messages like :

“What you are doing is great and requires a lot courage.”

“You are brave”

“I envy you, should we go together hiking the Kilimandjaro?”

“Don’t be afraid, everything will turn out so great, I have full trust in you”

“I have some contacts that I could find to help you with your next project, are you interested? … Sure”

“Have you thought about this?”

“What about your project?”

People offer help with my first move and express genuine excitement for me.

So why can’t I feel it myself?

There’s no turning back now. 

My mind is made up.

Honestly, I’m just ready for this in-between phase to be over. But instead of taking action, I find myself paralyzed.

Last month, I was brimming with ideas – getting an international driver’s license, researching wildlife conservation programs, and making initial contacts. Now, I come home drained, fix a simple meal (at least I’m eating healthy!), and retreat into a cocoon of blankets. Staring at my plants, I acknowledge my fatigue and head to bed early.

Morning arrives, and I find myself drawn to the sea again, mesmerized by the winter sunrise. But then, the cycle repeats.

I know the next step is mine. I need to shift my perspective, embrace the positive aspects of my decision and project, and take action.

Breaking Free from the paralysis

Yes, all that self-doubt and inaction – it’s all just a bunch of excuses. I’m aware of it. But the paralysis remains. It’s like I’m in shock, sabotaging myself before I even begin.

On a brighter note, I have started this blog! Even if the content is more personal than I initially intended.

The truth is, the ball is in my court. It’s clear as crystal water. I need to find the inner strength to push forward, quiet my anxieties, and start taking those initial steps.

Project Zebra 2×22

Now, let’s talk about the exciting part – Project Zebra 2×22!

Zebras are one of my favorite animal, and the number 22 has also held a special significance in my life, popping up repeatedly. With my 44th birthday approaching, it felt like 2×22 was the perfect symbol for this new chapter.

My dream? To be in Africa, working towards wildlife preservation, particularly focusing on herbivores like zebras, giraffes, and elephants.

Right now, I have no clue what that truly entails or if my current skillset aligns. I haven’t even been on a proper African safari! My past travels have been to wonderful places like Senegal, Burkina Faso, Togo, and Morocco, but none directly related to this project.

So, how did this idea even come about? An intuition. A welcome disruption to my current life, a possibility that sparked joy.

Thinking back, there have always been hints: photos of wildlife, books on Africa, art artifacts from Africa…

My childhood dream was to be a vet, but the repetitive tasks and focus on human interaction discouraged me. The animal aspect felt sidelined. Now, that dream is resurfacing, but in a whole new, thrilling way.

This is it, then. Africa and wildlife conservation – that’s my new path. I’m giving myself a year to learn and see where this incredible journey takes me.

Photo : Christopher Bartlett